A thought came to me this morning about trust, more specifically, my great lack of it in many people. Trust builds with time and consistency. What happens when circumstance after circumstance in life prove this type of trust is rather difficult to achieve?
I told my daughter during a conversation we had this morning about that very concept that we should have a different level of trust for different people. Not everyone in our circle deserves to know our deep, dark secrets. Life experience has taught me that.
Of course we all experience disappointment from others, nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, but what about when it comes from family members? How sad that the love we always thought we had can disappear in the blink of an eye, into complete disregard.
I found an article on unconditional love on Live Bold & Bloom. It says unconditional love is a decision made by both people in a relationship and entails the following (copied from liveboldandbloom.com):
regular and open communication;
active and engaged listening skills;
a willingness to calmly express concerns or hurts;
a willingness to make behavior adjustments that don't compromise your boundaries;
a willingness to communicate boundaries;
the ability to accept and even embrace personality differences that don't compromise the health of the relationship;
a willingness to continue to work on your own self-awareness and self-esteem;
complete trust that your partner “has your back” and you have theirs;
the ability to forgive and forget, especially when forgiveness is requested for flaws and failures and there's a real effort to make change;
the firm commitment never to withhold love (or sex or money, etc.) to get what you want or need;
the desire to express your love with small daily actions and words;
the decision to let go of the “small stuff” that might bug you so you can focus on the best aspects of your partner;
the willingness to show extra love and have patience with your partner when they go through periods of difficulty, sadness, or disconnection, knowing it's a short-lived condition;
loving the other for the joy of loving, without thought for what you will get in return.
A big one for me is to forgive and forget. I can move forward but it doesn't mean I will forget or accept unacceptable behavior from others, including family members.
The other one is communication, which I think it all boils down to: sharing our feelings in an honest manner without attacking, while also listening to what the other person has to say, in an attempt to work through a problem and hopefully achieve a reasonable and positive outcome.
It saddens me that some people aren't willing or are possibly incapable to be open enough to even try some of the ideas mentioned above.
Guess my only option for the time being is to continue to pray for those who can so easily erase others from their lives who were once so important and involved in them. I say this without anger but with compassion for where others are along their individual journey in life.
Lots to think about. Hope I provided some food for thought during my attempt to process my own feelings.
I end with a feeling of gratitude for those in my life who do love me at my worst, most importantly, my husband. Let's focus on those who serve us well, rather than those who bring us down.