It's been a while since I've written a blog post. It's also been a while since I've edited or done any creative writing. The motivation fled. Many life situations affected the desire. Today is the first day in months that I've been able to sit behind my monitor with any sense of excitement and edit.
Why the sudden change?
Emotionally, I've been drained and exhausted. The one thing I've come to accept during this trying time is that I've been neglecting myself, especially the spiritual, connected part of myself that brings me joy. I've been aware that I put myself last for ages. I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter, an employee, I take care of a house and all that comes along with it, have brought a new puppy into the house which has been trying regarding training, discipline, and assimilating him into the routine with our other three dogs (yes, that's four total. Crazy, I know), along with all the other tasks I have to manage on a daily basis.
For the past several weeks I've been working like a fiend to change my attitude. Just for today I'm putting myself first. Let me tell you, it's a ton of work. It in itself is exhausting. It's not easy to change habits that took years or a lifetime to create.
To accomplish this self-care, these are some of the steps I've taken. Feel free to use one or all of them. I'm not selfish when it comes to taking care of yourself.
1. I've made a commitment to mediate every day. I've given myself a 10-minute goal. It's both doable and achievable (not overwhelming in an already-full day). I found the best site on YouTube called Great Meditation. They have short, effective meditations on a variety of topics.
2. While doing office work, I've been playing PowerThoughts Meditation Club affirmation videos on YouTube (they have a lot to choose from). I don't even listen to them. I tune them out but am already feeling the positive affects of them. The speaker says to give one a try for 21 days and see if you notice any changes. I've been listening for about a solid week now. I listen to a variety, not just one. My brain can take all the affirmations it can get :)
3. I do some sort of reading (not romance fiction in this context - that's my pleasure reading before bed), whether a daily intent for the day or something as simple as the quote above, to help me remain present in the here and now.
Can I say everything is great? That I am cured from my obsessive thoughts, anticipatory anxiety, panic, and constant worry? Hell no. Can I say I'm in a better place emotionally than I was several weeks ago? The answer would be yes. That is, for today. Tomorrow might bring with it old feelings and behaviors. If so, I'll deal with it then. Because in truth, right now is all I have. As the saying goes, "Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is a gift, which is why it's called the present." I wholeheartedly agree.
So, my disappearance from social media and creative writing has been for a good cause. If I don't take care of myself, I have nothing to give. Interesting that I've been consciously making time for myself and my creative inspiration has returned. Coincidence? I don't believe there are any. I honestly couldn't sit for more than fifteen minutes at a time in front of a manuscript. I couldn't focus. My thoughts were scattered. My emotions were on overload. It's not a fun place to be.
Why share this? It's rather personal. Because today I know I'm not alone. If one person reads this and gets inspired or finds hope, I've done good by making myself vulnerable and exposing myself as "imperfect." As I've always said, my purpose in writing is to connect with others on a deeper level. That includes not only my manuscripts, but my posts as well.
Just for today I am hopeful we can all live in the moment and be open to change. It's not easy but sometimes it's the only choice.