I'm Back!

November 23, 2019

It's been almost six months since I've written a Blog post. It's been months since I've actively worked on a manuscript. I've pretty much disappeared from social media, other than Pinterest for inspiration. The key reason: my only daughter has left for college. Yes, I still have a sixth-grade son at home but my girl leaving has done a number on me. This quote says it all. I want all three of my children to leave the nest and fly with confidence. What I never expected after my daughter left was for the pain in my heart to worsen. When my oldest son left for school, after a few weeks passed I got back into the swing of things. This time it's been harder for me to bounce back. Just wait until my youngest leaves. God help  me!

 

One would think escaping via writing/editing would help cure the blues. In this particular case I've pushed the manuscript I've been working on aside. Remember Me was written after my father passed away in 2018 from Alzheimer's. The story encompasses that theme while doing so in the form of two people who find love where they least expect it. It's all happy, happy, joy, joy (of course angst and emotional turmoil too). The issue I've had is that some of the memory care center depictions are based on real-life experiences and every time I review the script it brings me back to that place of pain and the loss of my father. The motivating factor to complete it is that the book was written as a loving and positive remembrance and dedication to him. 

 

So, I've dealt with my daughter's senior year and impending move, the loss of a close sister (an emotional loss as we no longer speak since my father's funeral), still grieving the loss of a parent, the aging of my widowed mother, and to top it off, a slew of midlife questioning has come into play. WTF!

 

My primary role has been mom for the last 21 years. It still is but the hands on the clock tick and babies grow up and move on. It has become time for me to rediscover myself. I am a wife. I am a writer. I am an office manager. I am exploring more spiritual paths to fulfill myself. Yet I still ask myself, who am I?

 

It's been a long and emotionally draining year. Remember Me won't publish itself. I want it finished for my dad and also for my mom because even though she isn't allowed to read my novels (too dirty!) each release brings her joy. This one will especially because of its relevant content in relation to my father. As I said, the clock is ticking, time is precious. So once again I am in front of my computer, editing with the sole purpose of finishing Remember Me, while enabling healing, growth, and most importantly, feeling my feelings and processing them.

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